Central Library, evening. There’s an older bearded dude sitting next to me charging his phone, and a younger dude tutoring maths to an even younger dude at the next table, and this is what I hear:

Tutor: “Well you’re an adult now. I mean, you’re 15, you’re nearly an adult, you have to take some responsibility.”

Mr Beard, mumbling into his phone: “Description. Description. Oh fuck’s sake.” Hits his phone. “Oh come on. Description. For fuck’s sake.”

Tutor: “You have to be careful with those little things because you keep thinking they’re not important and then you get marked down and you wonder why.”

Mr Beard: “COME ON.” Whack, whack. “DESCRIPTION.”

Tutor: “Do you know what the definition of insanity is? It’s doing the same thing over and over again.”

Mr Beard: “Description. DESCRIPTION. Oh come on!” Whack. WHACK. “For fuck’s sake! Come on!”

Tutor: “I mean, I have a degree in business.”

Mr Beard: “Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. Description. DESCRIPTION. Come on. For fuck’s sake! Fuck’s sake. Description. OH COME ON.” Whack, whack. Throws phone down in disgust.

Meanwhile the woman at the table on the other side of me is making eye contact and we are both trying not to laugh.